A blind man walks into a bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.

The bartender speaks up and says “Hey what the hell are you doing?”

The blind man says, “Just taking a look around..”

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?”

The man says, “Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles.” The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he’s doing all this drinking.

“You’d drink them this fast too if you had what I have.”

The bartender hastily asks, “What do you have pal?”

The man quickly replies, “I have a dollar.”

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know this, Sister?”

“My Mother Superior told me so.”

“But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous–of course I have never taken alcohol myself”

“Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”

“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!”

“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know.”

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.

“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”

“Oh no! It’s not that Nun again is it?”

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy.

Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first guy the money.

“I can’t take your money,” said the first guy. “I cheated you. The same story was on the five o’clock news.” “No, no. Take it,” said the second guy. “I saw the five o’clock news too. I just didn’t think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!”

Ingredients:

• 1 mint green Maraschino cherry without stem
• 1/2 oz Jägermeister
• 1/2 oz Rumple Minze

Mixing instructions:
Use a large shot glass. Remove stem from one Mint Green Maraschino Cherry and drop in glass. Pour Jägermeister and Rumple Minze.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 oz Malibu rum
• 1/2 oz Light rum (Bacardi)
• 1/2 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
• 1 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
• 1 oz Cointreau
• 3 oz Milk
• 1 oz Coconut liqueur
• 1 cup Vanilla ice-cream

Mixing instructions:Combine all ingredients. Blend until smooth. Garnish with chocolate shavings if desired.

Read a review of this book: Your average cocktail/bartender book is usually just the result of somebody gathering together as many recipes as they can find, prefacing it with the obligatory “how to stock your home bar” chapter, then selecting “File / Print…” Is it any wonder then that people these days are confused as to what a Martini really is?Thankfully, Gary Regan has shown us that a mixology book can be far more then we have come to expect.

In “The Joy of Mixology”, Gary lays out for us the results of what obviously has been many years of research into what cocktails really are, and how to make them properly. First he covers the common topics such as history, bartending, garnishes, glassware, but with far more interesting information then you most likely have seen elsewhere. Mr. Regan then dives into laying out the various styles of cocktails and mixed drinks, and how to understand them in ways that focus on the proper and well-balanced construction of each style. There is a lot of meat in how he organizes his lists, and a wealth of information behind their proper construction.

Cocktails really don’t need to be as confusing as they seem to be to most people. This book goes a long way in not only making sense of the large array of cocktail selections available, but also in bringing to light the potentials of a “Quality” cocktail experience.
The Joy of Mixology: The Consummate Guide to the Bartender’s Craft

Book Description
The best bartender’s guide turns eight with this new edition, bringing its total recipe count to 2,800, more than doubling any other drink recipe book. Everything classic and obscure are here (martinis, frozen and coffee drinks, shooters, punches, flavored vodkas, gins, rums, cognac, wine, novelty drinks, etc.) with 150 brand new additions. Also new to eighth edition are: * More advice for the professional bartender * A newly expanded wine section with:Robert M. Parker, Jr.’s Wine Vintage Guide;

“Parker Speaks on Wine”;

A glossary of wine terms;

Parker’s World’s Greatest Wine Values * Expanded Glossary and Beer Section * Cognac Guide And of course all the features that’s made it the best selling drink recipe book on the market today are still there: index by ingredients; spiral bound for simultaneous pouring and reading; a complete list of martinis; detailed mixing instructions; sections on hot drinks, frozen drinks, beers, ales, lagers, and “malternatives;” and a list of all drink-specific garnishes.

• Plastic Comb: 264 pages
• Publisher: Wine Appreciation Guild; Eighth edition (August 31, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1891267310
• ISBN-13: 978-1891267314
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 4.5 x 0.7 inches

The Bartender’s Black Book, Eighth Edition: 2,800 New and Classic Recipes

Ingredients:

• 1 oz Amaretto
• 1 oz Vodka
• 1 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
• 1 oz Dr. Pepper
• 1 oz Beer

Mixing instructions:

Add Amaretto, Bacardi, and vodka. Mix in the Dr. Pepper and beer